By Rev. Dr. Brent Russett – Asbury Free Methodist
October 29, 2023 – Ephesians 4:23-5:2
I love working with people, but I have found that people’s lives are messy. Sometimes, they get messy through no fault of their own. But oftentimes, people lack either wisdom or common sense. They don’t realize the likely outcome of their actions. If you slap someone verbally, you are probably going to get slapped back. If you judge others, you will likely feel others’ judgement. If you spend money foolishly, you probably won’t have money to spend.
The list could go on. But so many people don’t understand that if you do this, you will probably get that.
Paul understood people. Last we looked at Ephesians 4:23-24. Paul said,
You were taught… Ephesians 4:23–24 (NIV)
23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
You were taught to have your mind renewed and to put on the new self. Your new self was created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Last week, we looked at how holiness is being separated for God’s use. So, when you put on your new self, you are saying God, my life is yours. True righteousness, in this context, means right actions that stem from the character of God. When we are loving as God is loving – that is righteousness. When we are merciful as God is merciful – that is righteousness.
Putting on the new self is a choice, and it is a process. God, I am going to live my life as if it were yours, because it is. God, I am going to try to reflect your character in all that I do. This work comes about because of the work of the Holy Spirit in us and the transformation of our minds and value systems.
Paul assumes that the church in Ephesus is going to follow his instruction to “put on the new self,” so he wanted to outline what that meant. In other words, if you do this, then you will get that.
Ephesians 4:25–28 (NIV)
25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
You notice the “Therefore.” In other words, because you have been made new in the attitude of your mind, you are going to speak truthfully; you are not going to sin in your anger or hold onto your anger. If you have been stealing, that is going to stop, and you are going to work and share what you earn with others.
Paul is saying that the fact that you are set apart for God and living righteously will change how you behave towards one another.
If you behave poorly towards others, then that is a reflection of the fact that you haven’t learned Christ – you haven’t put on the new self. It is a discipleship issue.
I have been around healthy church communities, and I have been around unhealthy church communities. Here is what I have noticed. A group of any significant size will be made up of all kinds of people. You will have the spiritually mature and the spiritually immature. You will have a number of people with various mental illnesses. You will have people at different life stages, different family backgrounds, and often vastly different opinions on the issues of the day. You will have people who, at any given point, are going through challenging times – and others who would say, “Life is good.”
The difference between a healthy and unhealthy community is not the makeup of the group. It is not what the people in the group are going through. What determines the health of the group is how they normally interact with one another.
Let me break it down for you.
Ephesians 4:25 (NIV)
25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
Paul has already told us in verse 15 to speak the truth in love. Now, he circles back to the theme and says speak the truth.
If a community is to be healthy, it is important that we hold honest conversations. I would add to that it is important that we have a posture of humility when we hold those honest conversations. Paul said in verse 2, be completely humble.
If we are going to be a community where we hear God’s voice, then we need to be able to speak truthfully when we don’t think what was heard was the voice of God. If we are going to walk closely with one another, then we need to be truthful when other people’s actions are hurtful, and we need to be able to listen to our part in those actions. Paul says to speak truthfully because we are all members of one body.
Dishonesty is like an infection in the body. Now, we are not talking about being honest about our tastes or preferences. We are not required to go up to someone and say – The bible told me to speak truthfully, so – I really hate the shirt that you have on today – it makes you look fat. Unhelpful. – We are talking about issues of the soul. We are talking about issues of relationship. We are talking about issues of substance.
Ephesians 4:26–27 (NIV)
26 “In your anger do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold.
Right after speaking truthfully, Paul talks about anger. That is not a coincidence. Paul assumes that you will get angry sometimes. It is right to be angry about injustice. But Paul is speaking about anger in the context of relationships.
We tend to get angry when our personal rights are infringed on, or we believe our self-worth is called into question. If someone takes what you think is yours or if someone calls you a name or impugns your character, you are likely to get angry.
The other dynamic is that the more insecure you are, the more likely you will feel hurt and get angry because we read other people’s words through the lens of our own insecurity. We hear them saying more than the person meant to say.
Whatever the case, Paul says, “In your anger, do not sin.” There will be things said and done that will make us angry. Paul says, don’t let your feelings cause bad behaviour. It is easy to say things and do things when we are angry that we shouldn’t do.
More than that, Paul says, deal with your anger quickly. You may or may not be able to deal with the situation that made you angry – but you must deal with your heart. Usually, we need God to show us why what was said or done hooked in us. Did we feel like our personal rights were infringed on, or our self-worth or character was called into question? Is this my issue or, their issues, or a combination of the two? Dealing with anger usually involves forgiveness and often involves asking God to change our own hearts. It often involves difficult but humble conversations. – But deal with that quickly.
Unresolved anger gives the devil a foothold. He will use that anger to harass the rest of your life. It is amazing how anger coming out of one spot can make our outlook on life negative. It is amazing how Satan can use undealt with anger towards one person to colour our interactions with a lot of people. It is amazing how Satan can use our anger to blind us to what is happening in so many other parts of our lives.
Ephesians 4:28 (NIV)
28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.
Ephesus had a culture of stealing. I am not going to dive into this one because of time. Suffice it to say, “Don’t steal.”
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)
29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
The most significant difference between a healthy and unhealthy community is how we speak to one another. Speak in a way that builds others up – and speak in a way that encourages them at their point of need. Don’t tear each other down.
The word “unwholesome” is related to the process of decay. Don’t let any kind of talk come out of your mouth that causes people to decay. We learn as teenagers how to skillfully put other people down. There are some people who never grow out of it. I am sure you have seen conversations where, because of what was said, you can see a person shrivel. That is what is meant – cause decay.
Your words can build people up or put people down. If you have developed the habit of putting people down – Paul says that one of the consequences of ‘Putting on the new self” is that we will break that habit.
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Something in our culture makes us reluctant to build one another up with our words. I will get people who will say, I don’t want you to get a big head, but… then they will tell me something good that they see in me.
Let me say this clearly. Your job is not to keep other people humble. If you have taken that on as your job – resign. If you are afraid that other people are going to become proud because you built them up with your words – get rid of that fear.
Nowhere in scripture does it say we are supposed to keep others humble. It says we are to humble ourselves. Your job is to build the people you come in contact with up. It is their responsibility to keep themselves humble.
Paul goes on to say, Ephesians 4:30 (NIV)
30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
You will get the idea here if you have ever had a child who did something stupid. For instance, if you have ever had a kid take up smoking. You know it is bad for their health. You know that it is addictive. You know that they are going to regret taking up the habit. But all you can do is watch. As a parent, you grieve that.
The Holy Spirit has applied the work of Christ to your life. He has done what it takes to cleanse you from sin. He has counselled you and mentored you. He is convicting you of sin and moving you fully into the kingdom of God.
Then we go and acquire a habit that is neither life-giving nor righteous. We have this sense that the Spirit is not pleased. But we keep on persisting. That grieves the Holy Spirit. He wants so much more for you – and you resist him, leading you into your best life. That grieves him. Paul says, “Don’t grieve the Holy Spirit of God.”
When we put on the new self, part of what that means is that we are going to live in a way that pleases God, not grieves God. That is common sense – but Paul felt a need to state it.
Ephesians 4:31–32 (NIV)
31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Let me give you some quick definitions.
Bitterness
Is long-standing resentment. We talk about people nursing a grudge. That is bitterness. Bitterness is what happens if anger and unforgiveness carry on too long. Hebrews 12:15 says that people who are bitter will cause issues with those around them. In other words, a bitter person is a toxic person. Get rid of bitterness.
Rage.
The idea here is “Angry heat.” It can have two meanings. It describes a person who is quick to anger – even if they get over it fast. In a kid we would call it a temper tantrum. The other meaning is a person whose anger is always on simmer. You have met people who are just angry people. If that describes you – Paul would say deal with it. That is not consistent with who you are.
Anger
This is a different word than we looked at in verse 26. This word carries with it the idea of “any violent emotion.” Jealousy, envy, drunkenness, or anger would be wrapped up in this word. This word describes when your negative emotions get out of control. That is not appropriate for God’s holy people.
Brawling.
This is the offence of creating a disturbance in the church. It is the idea of this is starting up a controversy over nothing. So, you get everybody worked up and in an uproar.
Slander
This is simply speech that is injurious to one’s good name. Be very careful how you talk about people.
Malice.
This is holding ill will or actively trying to harm someone. We sometimes call it doing something out of spite. That is not consistent with who you are in Christ.
You cannot have a healthy community when people are doing these kinds of things. Paul is saying as kindly and firmly as he can – deal with your stuff. Paul says, if you have any of these things – get rid of them. These things are not consistent with your new self. Putting on the new self means dealing with these things that poison the community.
Then Paul simply wraps this section up by saying,
Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
Kindness is the opposite of the above list. Love covers a multitude of sins. We live with that posture towards people. What do we do with people who have offended us – we forgive them. If you live in close proximity to people, you will have opportunities to forgive.
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We are celebrating our 69th Anniversary today. I love this community. There are so many great people here. Are we a healthy community – I would give us a B+.
We tend to treat people well – but we could encourage each other more. We tend to be more positive in our conversations than negative.
I don’t take any of that for granted. We value unity, and we value health. I know how fast it can go sideways – so I don’t take it for granted.
At the same time, this isn’t about us as a church. It is about us as followers of Jesus. Healthy church communities happen because healthy disciples are being made. Healthy church communities happen because we have put on the new self – everything flows from there.
One of our high values at Asbury is that we would be great disciples of Jesus. Paul says, put on the new self. Then he says this means that. As I have been speaking – if there are places in your life where the new self hasn’t taken hold yet – repent of that. Tell God you’re sorry. Start praying into the change. It matters for you. It matters for us. But most of all, it matters to Jesus.
Pray
Sermon Questions
Introduction
1. What are you celebrating this week?
2. What are you praying about?
3. What are you grateful for this week?
Digging in
4. Read Ephesians 4:23-5:2
5. What does the therefore in verse 25 refer back to? How does this give context to the passage just read?
6. What does verse 25 mean when we are living together in community?
7. What does verse 26 say about anger? How can anger give the devil a foothold?
8. What does 28 say about how we should live?
9. What is unwholesome talk? (Verse 29) What does speech are we called to do?
10. What does it mean to grieve the Holy Spirit? (Verse 30)
11. Read verses 31-32. Define bitterness, rage, anger, brawling, slander and malice.
What does verse 32 look like in community?